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Dec 08, 2023
Checkout Chatter Not Mandatory
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My closest friend has been helping a healthy 92-year-old man
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My closest friend has been helping a healthy 92-year-old man clear possessions from his house over the course of a year, beginning after the great loss of his wife. He has given my friend a number of personal items.
Over this time, my friend has mentioned me as a very dear friend, and the man he is helping is inclined to share a piece of jewelry with me. It is a vintage designer piece -- a choker, I believe. I am happy to receive it as a loving response to his loss.
I will likely see photos of the jewelry before actually receiving it -- or even meeting him. Should I acknowledge and thank him before receiving the piece of jewelry? And I would imagine I should formally thank him again after receiving and wearing it.
I believe there is no protocol for the preemptive acknowledgment of a gift. It will be at least three months before I receive it, after he has placed it in my friend's hands to deliver to me. I am a most sincere and constant writer of formal thank-you notes, so you might understand my dilemma.
GENTLE READER: No one ever complained about too many thank-you letters. Well, only if they were bemoaning their own deficiencies in writing them, of course. And fortunately, you do not complain about that.
Miss Manners therefore thinks it would be charming for you to write a letter to your friend's friend, introducing yourself and telling him how honored you are to be the recipient of a piece of his departed wife's jewelry. Then, when you finally receive the gift, you could write another (shorter) letter, acknowledging receipt and saying that it is even more beautiful in person.
There is no reason not to give this kind gentleman some good reading material in exchange for his generosity.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)